(pc: The amazing Hayley!)

Adios, teenage life. I'm really not sure anything will really change, except that I won't add "teen" to the end of my age. I don't necessarily feel older, but perhaps a bit more adultish. 

19 was a hectic year. I started off 19 with sickness (what we now think was Covid, but I survived so does it really matter?) and a college roommate who was becoming less and less my roommate. We got sent home mid March, and I ended my first year of college online. 

It was one of my goals to quit my job at McDonald's, and I am very happy to report that I did. I learned a lot from working there, but I am thankful that that season of my life is over. 

Once summer came, I was full time at the bakery, which proved to be a blast and a half. I loved every (well, nearly every) minute of being there, and I got to decorate so many cupcakes, cookies, donuts, and I learned all sorts of new production things. I grew closer with my friends there, and we enjoyed many many good conversations. 

Over the summer I was also teaching my music students, and it was good to see them stretch and grow in their musical capabilities. 

I also broke my first bone over the summer, and also spent lots of time with my sister at her apartment. 

The fall semester was complicated, stressful, wildly fun, and entertaining. I roomed with a new group of girls and that was an excellent idea. I took the most breaks, and somehow did the best possible academically, which was nice :)

 

Christmas break was extra long, so I of course spent time working. 

So that sums up 19. It was hectic, not only in the world, but also for a college/working girl. 

(pc: HAYLEY!)

In my post last year, I said I would like to. . .

. . . get through my freshman year with grades that are well-earned ... which I did! :) Freshman year's cumulative GPA was 3.893.

. . . work at the Beethoven Festival... which I unfortunately did not do, due to the pandemic and that sort of gathering and event being highly not advised. 

. . . quit at McDonald's... which I did! 

. . . keep teaching over the summer... Also did! 

. . . make more time for friends at school... yup, did that too!

. . . remember more often that God is in control... eeee, more or less. Worry and stress are still very present.

. . . keep a cheerful attitude. I realized a few weeks into school that most people (me included) only focus on the bad things... mostly! My roommates help me with this endeavor! 

. . . take my Mom riding... nope :( There was never an opportunity, although I did look into it a couple of times.

. . . enjoy my last year as a teen! :) ... I guess you could say that I did. :) 

(pc: The amazing Hayley!)

So now, what are some goals I have for 20? I'm not sure I have specific things this year, other than to 

... keep working and teaching

... continue my friendships here at school, specifically with my roommates

... spend more time with my Mom this summer! (well, always :))

... be committed. I don't want to have half-accomplished things sitting around. I want to be fully invested in my work and have a good sense of priorities. 

... and one other thing I hope will happen but will leave a secret for now. ;) 

~Olivia

aka

Stick

A year

It's been a year since one of my friends killed himself. 

Is the hurt gone? no. 

Do I still miss him? yes. absolutely. every day.

Do I still cry? yes. sometimes. 

Have I learned much? yes. too much. more than I ever wanted to. 

What have I learned? I've learned what it's like to grieve. I've learned how to cling to God and my church, and get through hardships together. I've learned to care more about every person, man or woman, young or old, apparently happy or sad. 

I've done things I never thought I would do in my life. Only a little while after Levi died, another man killed himself. and another. and another. Suicide was all around us. I walked into a Police Station with food and said "I'm sorry your comrade killed himself." I hugged a dear adviser and said "It hurts. I know. I wish I didn't. But it does. And here's how we're dealing with it." I've written a speech for a class about suicide, only months after it happened to me. I've argued for life. Your life. It's worth it. I promise.

-A Letter from Levi-

Do not stand by my grave and weep.

I am not there. I'm not asleep.

God's gift to me was just my soul,

That takes no space, and leaves no hole.

My body, made for strength and joy,

That did not grow much more than boy,

Is not what put the life in me.

I did not need my eyes to see,

Salvation to my Father's home.

Here I stand, and not alone.

My Father is forever God,

My family is great and broad.

My mother is my sister here,

Like all the saints that hold me dear.

I am, like all God chose to save,

Not buried in a six-foot grave.

I live! I live like Jesus does,

An unbound soul, not like I was,

Confused and anxious, brain and heart.

Now I cannot from truth depart.

I made mistakes I can't undo,

I robbed myself and others too.

All these sins my Savior knew,

When he said "I'll die for you."

He followed God the Father's plan,

Was born and died as God and man,

And rose again to lead the way.

And now I see him every day.

I worship like I never could,

Just like how I know you would.

Do not stand still in memories,

That are as changing as the trees.

Their rise and fall is seasonal.

They break and die the same as all.

Your bitter tears will dry so fast.

I'm telling you: this too shall pass.

Look up. You'll see that I am safe.

Look up, and also live in faith.

Do not stand by my grave and cry.

I am not there. I did not die.

- Caleb Streblow

"I wish you were here"

    A year ago I got this message from Levi: "I wish you were here this week." It was his family's annual get-together, which means about 60 people cramming into three houses for days of laughter, conversation, food, and lots and lots of noise. But good times, nonetheless. Last year they had planned a paintball fight between the cousins (his nephews and nieces) but the girls backed out last minute, being sensible creatures. I was one of the friends that had convinced them to do it at all in the first place. Anyway, the incident stuck with me, and this past week, as his family got together again, I couldn't help but remember the message. 

I wish you were here this week, too, Levi. 


*Not all is glum and sad for us. We have our Hope, and we will see Levi again, no matter what.

A post worth sharing

Here is my sister's most recent post. It's really good, do read it!

https://ofdreamsandswords.wordpress.com/2018/10/18/above-all-shadows-rides-the-sun/

Senior Pictures!

     I recently had an afternoon away from work and school to take a friend's senior pictures, and have her take mine. Here are the favorites. Do you have a favorite? :) 

 (My elbow is too high in these.... grrrrrr, but something only a musician would notice.)

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you forgive me for my absence here lately. 

I Will Never Perform in Church

   Hi guys! Thank you for the 20+ views on my latest post! It's so encouraging to see the stats. :) I hope you like what you're reading!

   I suppose you wonder why I am even writing this post? Well, a friend was speaking of another friend about how said friend always used church services to show off; to give a mini recital. Something about this really bothered me, so I've been hashing it out in my head, and finally decided to write about it. What are your thoughts on the subject? I'm curious. 😊

   I must make a distinction between performing and playing for the church. Yes, both require careful technique and effort, both definitely should reflect God and not focus merely on the musician doing it. But there is an element of care for the music itself and abilities of the musician in performing that I do NOT want to show up in a church service. I will only accompany, support, and work alongside the other musicians and the congregation in the church, and I don't want it to be a soloistic thing. 

Soli Deo Gloria! 

Top posts of 2017!

*sniff sniff* *cough* *takes meds for fever* 

Hello guys! Ahem. Right. I hope you are healthy, I really do. While I've been sitting here I've seen a few posts pop up with popular posts in 2017 and I thought maybe I would do the same. 

First off my About Me page has had 229 views! It's the most viewed item on my blog! :) 

Next, for posts. 

Ways I help my father and mother at home and on the farm! A total of 84 views! 

Outward beauty in this age Had 80 views!

Bonus Post! Nature Walk! Had 79 views! 

Sewing Projects! Had 64 views, and

Bonus post! Why I chose the name A Glittering Jumble of Order! Had a whopping 51 views. 

Thanks so much to my readers, from here in the US, to the Philippines, Russia, Brazil, Canada, Armenia, Australia, Germany, the UK, and France! Even if you don't comment it's nice to see someone reads my blog! :) 

I have had a total of 5, 674 page views this year! My goal for 2018 is to get up to 10,000! 

Life Update

Life has been quite busy, and I haven't been a particularly steady blogging schedule. . . you probably noticed. 

School: 
I am working on my second paper for the philosophy class my Dad is teaching. It's on Marxism, in case you're curious. College Algebra is going fairly smoothly, and it's actually kind of fun when I know how to do it! :) The other subjects aren't that interesting. . . not anything to shout from the rooftops.
I am all registered for two things this upcoming semester (as a PSEO student) at a state college nearby. My sister is taking the one class, in the humanities department, with me, and then I am on the wait list for piano lessons with one of the music professors. If someone drops out, then I am 1st in line to get in. 

Travel: My Mom and I leave a week from today for NH. I do enjoy flying, and for some reason, airport food. I don't know why, it's just good. The airport in Chicago has some more uncommon places, and of course in NH there is a Dunkin Donuts in the airport! :) We come home the day before my Mom's birthday, and I already have her gift and card wrapped and ready for when we get back. Then three days later, the college class starts. So the long two days a week start, and I am actually excited for more practice time. But I do know it will be an adjustment. Oh, and somewhere in there I take the driver's licence test. . . ! 

Church: Still so encouraging, as always. I love my church and the families that make it up. :) I am pianist for Childrens' Choir again this year, so practices are still weekly, though now that I think about it, our last one is this Friday already. And of course I'm still in the adult choir, on the rotation for pianist, and violinist the other weeks. We went caroling, which I always love too, although this year we didn't do the outside residential caroling, which kind of had me sad, but I stayed warmer that way for sure! :) 

Music: Again, I return to the lovely squeal-worthy subject --- MUSIC! :) The competition is in a MONTH! Only one month away!!! Eek. It's going to be a tough one again for sure, no doubt in my mind. Part of me has resigned to second place again, and the rest of me is still fighting for first. Sometimes I feel really confident, but, as we all know, pride goeth before a fall, and so usually the next day I am glum and uncertain. Other than that, I am working on shifting with the first finger up and down two octaves on one string.  .  . 
Orchestra is on break right now, but starts again when school does. I miss it. 

Photography: Not gotten out much with my camera. I need ideas on what to take pictures of! I did do some designing, and we have a printer that can print color. I can't give too many details until after Mom's birthday! :) 

Blogging: I do have a really long post coming. . . about college. I did add the art tab, which was new and fun, and now I can add other drawings to it, which has motivated me to draw more. Other than that, I am not having much inspiration to post much. I almost posted a no-fail recipe today. Maybe some other time? 

Christmas events: Since Mom and I leave just two days after Christmas, we're not doing anything huge and big this year. But that's okay, I don't mind.

I think that about covers it! Did I leave out anything you were wanting to know about? 

A Spririthorse Designs review!

As some of you know, I recently had to put my horse to sleep. It was a rough decision, but I believe it was the right one given the circumstances. Of course I saved some of her mane and tail hair, and I wondered about making a bracelet out of it, but honestly, I probably wouldn't have gotten around to it. So we went searching online, and my Mom found a site that had gorgeous horse hair bracelets --- Spirit Horse Designs! Of course we looked at other shops, but none seemed to have good prices or professional websites, let alone the selection of designs that Spirithorse Designs has!  My Grandpa got me a gift card for the website, so I decided to order. Picking the design I wanted was hard! There are so many beautiful ones. Finally I decided on this one --- the Cessair, and sent the hair in. Angela has nice specific directions for packaging and sending the hair, too! The waiting and trying to be patient and not email Angela every day asking if the bracelet was in progress was the hardest part of it all! 😆

Finally it shipped and I had a tracking number! So the stalking-the-mailbox-to-see-if-it's-there process began. 

It came safely on Monday. It's so pretty! I don't understand how Angela's braiding is so even! Pictures for proof of it's loveliness: 

 (I love the little heart dangling there!)

What do you think?

P.S. I made some changes around the blog! Do you like them? 

Favorites for Friday!

Here goes for the first Favorites for Friday post! Are you excited? :) I'll keep this going all school year, and possibly into next summer! Let me know in the comments if you want to see more of these posts! This one, I will admit, is pretty girly! :)

First up is Melani's post Tips For Combining Style And Modesty This School Year

I thought Melani did a great job summing up fall essentials and she had some really cute ideas as well! 

Next is Allison's fun photography post about Amelia Island and the BEACH. That should get you to look through the pictures, haha! 

Allison is going to post Part 2 soon, so be sure to hang around for it! It's going to be awesome! :)

Next is Beyond the Search for Mr. Right, on Set Apart Girl.

I've read many posts on singleness, but this one sums up all the ones I've read so very well. I haven't talked much about singleness here yet, but it's something I'm passionate about --- and it is often so wrongly portrayed by others. "Oh, you're 16? About time for the guys to be lining up!" GAHHH. *deep breaths* Okay, so, I wouldn't mind meeting Mr Right this year (if God even made a Mr Right for me), but by saying that you're not helping and encouraging me to be content in my singleness! 

Oops. I think I derailed a bit. 😆

I think three is a good number to end on today! Keep posting --- maybe next week you'll be featured!